The Purity Of White
by sand-nin-gurl
Summary: After the death of his father, Neji must begin to cope on his own: his thoughts, his emotions, his hate, and his developement into the man he is. Perhaps he will discover the purity of white. (Rated for some language and-or mature content)
1. I Must Be Dreaming

**The Purity Of White**

**Autheress's Notes:** OK! Welcome to my Neji ficcie! As promised, this fic is composed of 13 song chapters of songs (but more may be added) that I personally think should be deticated to everyone's favorite Hyuuga, Neji!

(is attacked by Hinata fans)

Ok, second favorite? Yes?

(is attacked by Neji fans)

Gah! Make up your minds! OK! _One of our favorite Hyuugas_! How's that?! Yeah?

(Fans back off)

Ok, then.

**Song Details**: This first chapter takes place when Neji is 14, but there are alot of flashbacks (it wouldn't be a Neji fic without flashbacks!) to when he was 4. This fic doesn't follow a time-line, but this chapter is pre-chuunin exam, as you probably can tell, after reading a little ways. The song is "I Must Be Dreaming," by Evanescence. You should find a way to listen to the song while reading this... I didn't, I just read lyrics, but it's Evanescence, so it's gotta be good. If you have heard it... please forgive me if my timing's off...

**Disclaimer:** I don't the NARUTO series, but I do own Neji's soul (snicker snicker). I don't own Evanescence, but I wish I did. I only changed ONE word in this song... So please no sueing. I had to change it to make it make sense!

**Reading Key:**

**_Lyrics_** (bold and slanted)

_Thoughts, flashbacks, dreams_

"Speaking"

**(Time difference; location change)**

**Japanese Dictionary:**

_nii-san:_ brother; a title given to a close friend; i.e.: Naruto calling Kabuto "nii-san." It's a term of non-gay intimacy.

_nee-san: _sister; i.e.: Hinata-nee-san; see _nii-san _

_jii-san: _uncle; i.e.: Hiashi-jii-san

_tousan_: father; can be used by it's self, or with a name attached; i.e.: Hiashi-tousan; but that would be to a parent you don't like

_kaasan_: mother; see tousan

_-kun:_ -dear, speaking plainly; a term of intimacy, love, etc. to someone you know well, or care about; i.e.: Sasuke-kun; can also be used to insult those older then you

_-chan: _-honey, -dear; a term given to small children; i.e.: Hanabi-chan; can also be used like -kun, to a loved one

_-san: _Mr, Miss; used as a term of respect to an admired one; i.e.: Sakura-san; can also be used formally; i.e.: Kazekage-san

_-dono_: another term for Mr or Miss, but in a much more formal way; i.e.: Kaoru-dono

_-sama_: term of utmost respect; used to referre to royal people, or those in much higher rank then you; i.e.: Hinata-sama

I'm not aware of any other words I'm going to use, but, if I do... I'll let you know.

P.S.: To anyone who actually read this, I (heart) U!

* * *

**Chapter One:**

**I Must Be Dreaming**

_Neji hummed happily to himself, straightening the bandages around his head; he didn't really need to wear them anymore; the mark on his forehead had healed already. He just thought they looked cool. Plus, he'd gotten used to them, and putting them on in the morning had become a morning ritual._

_When he graduated from the Ninja academy, he would wear his forehead protector over it, just like his dad._

Tousan is so cool! _the four-year-old Neji thought to himself, thinking of his amazing, all-knowing father. _I'm going to be just like him when I grow up!

_"Neji-kun!" Someone banged on the door to Neji's room._

_"Hai?" Neji ran over and opened the door; it was early morning, and he had energy. "Oh... Senzumi-ojii-san?" He opened the door wider to reveal his uncle._

_"Neji-kun, you have to come with me," Senzumi ordered._

_"Why?" Neji was growing curious._

_"It's your father!"_

_Senzumi's tone was enough to worry Neji; he pushed past his uncle, running down the hall to his father and mother's room. Senzumi yelled after him, but Neji didn't care._

Tousan! Tousan, what's wrong?_ Neji thought desperately, running for all he was worth; why did his room have to be across the house from his parents'?!_

_**How can I pretend that I don't see**_

_Neji pushed open the door to his parents' room. "Tousan!" His large, white eyes widened immeadiately._

_**What you hide so carelessly? **_

_"Tousan!" Neji ran over to his father's bed; his mother was on the other side, crouched over herself, sobbing. _No..._ "Tousan!" Neji crouched down next to his father's quiet form. "Tousan!"_

_**I saw him bleed**_

_Neji grabbed his father's hand and shook it. "Tousan! Wake up!" Neji felt his own breath quicken when he felt none rise in his father's chest. "Tousan!" Breathing suddenly became hard; why wouldn't he wake up?!_

_**You heard me breathe**_

_"Neji," Hiashi began, stepping forward to place a hand on Neji's shoulder, but his young nephew swatted it away._

_"Leave me alone!" Neji shouted, forgetting all respect and formality towards the Head Family. He turned back to his father. "Tousan! Tousan!" He grabbed his father's sleeping robes and shook him. "Tousan, wake up!" His finger's brushed against his father's skin; it was cold... so cold... too cold. _

_**And I froze inside myself**_

_Neji slowly stood up, backing away from the bed; his mother automatically straightened her husband's robes, but her sobbing didn't stop. This was a dream... No, not a dream... They were playing a game, weren't they? Yeah, a game. A sick, stupid game..._

_**And turned away**_

_"Neji," Hiashi tried again. "Your father... my brother..." His voice grew suddenly strained, as if saying what he was about to say was hard. "He's... dead..."_

_Neji's eyes widened even more. "N... You're... You're lying!" he shouted, clamping his hands over his ears, as if to block out the sound. _

_"Neji--"_

_"NO! TOUSAN! TOUSAN!" And, slowly, with the word 'tousan' on his lips..._

_Neji fainted_

_**I must be dreaming

* * *

**_

"Gah!" Neji woke from his dream with a start, sitting up straight in bed. "What..." He looked around; he was in his room, in his bed; the sun was creeping through the trees into his room; it was morning. But he could have sworn...

_Oh, right... Just a dream... _Neji put a hand over his forehead; his fingers met the soft dent of the seal, but he'd gotten used to that. _Gods, why couldn't it have been a dream then, too? _

We all live

Neji got up and went to his full-length mirror (some people might think it was unmanly to have a full-length mirror in one's room, but Neji needed it for daily hairing checking) and looked at himself.

_**We all die**_

He'd changed alot over the years; he'd gotten taller, for one thing; his hair had gotten longer; his face had matured considerably; his still large, white eyes no longer betrayed emotions: in short, he looked almost exactly like the thing he hated most in his entire life: Hiashi-sama.

_**That does not begin to justify you**_

Neji glared at his reflection and went into his bathroom to begin his morning ritual of showering and getting dressed (SNG: KYAH! -grabs a towel and follows- Kyuubi: -grabs back of SNG's shirt- And where do you think you're going?). Ever since he'd begun his teen years, Hiashi had agreed to have a bathroom built especially for Neji, so he wouldn't have to continue to share one with Hinata and Hanabi; it could be embarrassing.

_**It's not what it seems**_

He tossed his sleeping-robe into the hamper and turned on the water; after finding his favorite temperature (not too hot, and not too cold), he turned on the shower-function and got in, pulling the curtain closed behind him.

_**Not what you think**_

The water pelted gently down on Neji's legs and chest and everything in between; he put one hand by the shower head to support himself so he could think. The images from that morning, when he was four, was still fixated in his mind; for some reason, his sleep-memory refused to let it go.

_**No I must be dreaming**_

_Maybe because I can't let it go, myself, _he thought grimly, tilting his head back so the water could reach his neck. _I just wish it wasn't really... real... I'm sick of convincing myself it's not, when it is..._

_**It's only in my mind**_

Neji ducked his head under the water, letting his hair get soaked, too, and grabbed his shampoo. _Damn Head Family,_ he thought angrily, pouring soap in his hands and lathering them up. He took his head out from under the water and began to lather up his hair. _Damn heartless bastards! _He washed out the soap, scrubbing his scalp with his blunt nails, and took his conditioner.

_**Not in real life**_

After putting the conditioner in his hair, he stood with his back against the shower wall to think, since the stuff needed three minutes to work, anyway. He closed his eyes, remembering the look on his mother's face when he'd shaken his father. _No one should have to see that look on their mother's face, _he thought angrily. _It's just not right.... But don't worry, Kaasan... I'm stronger then them, anyway._

_**No I must be dreaming**_

With these 'comforting' thoughts in his mind, Neji washed out the conditioner and finished washing the rest of him, then got out of the shower and started getting dressed. _No training today with the squad, _he thought absently, discarding his usual beige shirt and black shorts and picking up a training gi. After pulling it on, he also put on a black indoor robe, but left it untied. Fixing his hair and putting on his forehead protector, he stepped out into the hall.

He raised an eyebrow; Hinata was standing in the open hallway (meaning it was outside, with no wall except for the one with Neji's room and the others near his, and a ceiling; you know the ones...), starring at her feet with her hands behind her back, as usual. She looked up when he came out. "N-Neji-nii-san..."

"Hinata-sama." He nodded politely, not moving from his doorway. _What does the brat want now? _He suppressed a glare.

"Um..." She looked away; he noticed she was wearing a training gi, as well. "I was... Um... wondering if you would... would... help me train?" She glanced back at him.

Neji hid a scoff. "I have things to do today," he answered, walking past her down the hall.

"B-B-But...!" she began to protest. "You're the best with the Byakugan... I just..."

"Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Hinata-sama," Neji said over his shoulder at her before turning a corner and out of her sight.

_**Help **_

_Damn her... Too weak to do anything on her own... _Neji shook himself out of his broodings when he heard footsteps; he glanced up. "Hiashi-sama," he said politely to his uncle.

_**You know I've got to tell someone**_

"Hello, Neji," Hiashi said bluntly before walking past.

_**Tell them what I know you've done**_

Neji knew better then to glare at his uncle's back; Hiashi's Byakugan would see him, and then he'd be in trouble. So, Neji settled with angry thoughts. _That ass. Thinks he can look down on me just because I'm from the Branch Family... He should be worried... I bet no one but the Head Family and the Branch Family and the Hokage know what happened that day... I could tell the world! _Neji caught himself. _Hell, no, he'd probably kill me... Or... _Neji touched his head protector. _...Use that Jutsu..._

_**I fear you but spoken fears can come true**_

Neji made his way through the woods behind the house to the training grounds; he'd vent his rage on a punching log.

_**We all live**_

Neji nodded bluntly to Hanabi, Hinata's younger sister, who was already training there, on one of the other logs. She smiled brightly and waved. "G'morning, Neji-nii-san!"

"Good morning, Hanabi-sama," Neji replied, going to his own log, across the field from Hanabi's; she had a tendency to look upon him as a god because he was older then her, and it got annoying.

_**We all die**_

_Damn Head Family, _Neji thought, kicking the log, making a loud THOK noise. _Damn Hiashi-sama. _THOK. _Damn Hinata-sama. _THOK. _Damn Hokage. _THOK. _DAMN YOU ALL! _THOK!

_**That does not begin to justify you**_

**(Later That Day)**

Neji stretched his arm slightly, coming back in from the training field. Nothing like twelve hours of nonstop training to take your mind off things. He raised an eyebrow as he neared his room; his team-mate, TenTen, was leaned up against the wall outside his door, waiting for him. _Oh god..._

"Hi, Neji!" she called when she saw him, waving cheerfully.

"Hello, TenTen." Neji reached into the pocket of his sleave and took out his key, going to his door (A/N: I have a robe like this, with the sqaured sleaves, and they're really handy for keeping small things in).

_**It's not what it seems**_

"Guess what?" TenTen asked, standing in the doorframe to his room; Neji knew he wasn't supposed to answer, so he didn't. "My little sister's school is having a carnival, and she got me tickets!" She held up the slips of paper.

Neji's eyes rolled. _Not again._

_**Not what you think**_

"So, do you want to go?" TenTen asked, smiling. "I don't want to waste my ticket!"

"Iie." Neji took off his indoor robe (which he had actually worn outside) in his closet. "Ask Lee."

_**No I must be dreaming**_

TenTen frowned at him angrily. "How come you never want to go anywhere with me? All you do is sit in your room, or train on your log when you don't have to be with our squad. We're going to take the Chuunin exam soon, you need to cut it out with your stupid angst stuff so we can work well together as a--"

_**It's only in my mind**_

She was cut off as Neji suddenly appeared before her in a whirl of speed, slamming his hand on the door frame, barely an inch away from her head. "Shut up," he growled into her shocked face. "Shut up. Get out of my house."

TenTen backed out of the door frame and into the hall; she was used to seeing Neji mad, but this appeared to be an exception: he was furious. "I-I'll see you tomorrow at training, then," she stammered. "Bye, Neji." She walked out off the open hallway to the path leading back to the main village of Konoha.

_**Not in real life**_

Neji growled to himself, slamming his door shut and turned, glaring at nothing. _'Stupid angst stuff'?! 'Stupid angst stuff'?! _Neji aimed a kick at his night stand. _...Ow... _He sat down on his bed, glaring at his knees. _Stupid angst stuff, my ass. I don't have any angst, anyway, _he added haughtily. He frowned and grabbed his dictionary. _At least, I don't think I do..._

_**No I must be dreaming**_

"Angst: (n) an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom," Neji read aloud softly. He scoffed, slamming the huge book shut and throwing it across the room. "Like hell I have angst. Damn her." However, against his own wishes, his eyes soften sadly. _Tousan...

* * *

_

_Neji woke up with a start, his eyes meeting the ceiling of his room. "Tousan!" he cried, sitting up at once, his thoughts still on the moment he'd passed out in. His head reeled from the sudden movement, but he didn't lay back down. His mother was sitting at his bedside, waiting for him to wake up. His eyes widened when he saw her. "Kaasan!" he cried, grabbing a fistful of blankets. "Kaasan, where's Tousan?!"_

_**Not what it seems**_

_Her eyes widened briefly, and she quickly looked away. "Neji-chan..."_

_"Well?!" he shouted, impatient with her stalling. "Where is he?! You better tell me the truth, Kaasan! This isn't funny!"_

_**Not what you think**_

_She shook her head, her long, dark hair falling into her eyes. "No... No, it's not, Neji-chan..."_

_"Well?!" he shouted again. "Tell me, already! Kaasan, this isn't funny!"_

_**I must be dreaming**_

_She whispered something incoherent, as if, for that brief second, her voice had failed her. "Neji-chan... He's..."_

_**Just in my mind**_

_"Yeah?!" Neji glared at her. What was so hard?!_

_"Neji-chan..." she began again. "I... I want you to wear these..." She picked a piece of cloth off its folded place on her knees._

_Neji's eyes widened._

_**Not in real life**_

_Funeral robes._

_**I must be dreaming

* * *

**_

**Next Chapter: **_Hold On_

_Neji, age 5, spies on Hiashi and Hinata sparring. What he sees both horrifies him and surprises him; "the pain you cannot bear"

* * *

_

Well, what you think??? Sorry if the lyrics didn't fit the scene... I found a track of the song on Launch, and if you listen to it while you read it, the music will sort of make everything make sense... Sort of...

Jazzywolf asked for a TenTen/Neji pairing (well, hinted was more like) so I put a little of that in. I don't particularly like TenTen with Neji, although I will read fictions about them, if they're well-written. Sometimes I read stuff where the tense changes without warning, or the grammer is bad (even though I can't spell without my spell-check, I can do grammer, ok) and it annoys the hell out of me. But I like when a fic is well-written. And when everything is clear and meaning is easy to understand.

One pairing I HATE though, is Neji/Hinata. I cannot STAND it. It's incest, which is wrong, and plus, get it through your heads, people:

HE HATES HER!

Well... hated... but still!

Ah, well, I read one of those every once and a while, if it's by someone I know. Otherwise, I don't like it.

Oh, yeah, the newsletter... I like doing this letter thing... makes me feel all professional.

**_  
SNG'S LITTLE FAN FICTION NEWSLETTER:_**

**ATTENTION _CATHARSIS _READERS!!**

Due to the fact that _Catharsis_ has gotten NO reviews whatsoever since I updated it, and due to the fact that the amount of reviews it has is pitiful, I will be removing it on January 1st. This is your last chance to go read it, if you liked it. And I don't care if people say "Oh, but it's so good, you should keep it up!" To be honest, I don't care; if it was so good, I'd have more reviews.

_Growing Up Sand Nin Style _is now officially posted. Please go read! I'm very proud of it... But if you haven't read _Bozenjishitsu_ or _A Night To Remember,_ it might be confusing... but, if you have, here's the summary:

_**Summary: **If you think Gaara's childhood was weird, how do you think it would be for his SON?? Kankurou and Gaara let their children out lose in the world... Learning life's lessons the hard way. (Non-yaoi/shonen-ai)_

ALSO: The **holiday newsletter** will be back with the next installment of all chapters for my fictions. Please let me know if you have a **birthday **during this time (sorry, I haven't been keeping a list... but I will now!) or if there are any **new manga releases** and/or **Holiday fictions** out there worth while.

**Birthdays:**

Jazzywolf (12-29)

KageNoKatana (11-29)

Jasmine Starlight (11-20)

(Sorry I sorta goofed...)

**Manga Releases:**

_Rave Master, Vol. #12: _I watched a bit of the anime for this, and I liked it alot, so, yeah, you guys should seriously consider getting (or begging for) this manga!

_Rurouni Kenshin, Vol. #9: _Do I need to say anything? Kenshin is awesome. Just get it, for cryin out loud!

_Naruto, Vol. #6 (?): _Yeah. Just get it. Neji's in it! Finally! (heart) So are Kankurou, Gaara, and all the other nins who weren't in the first four novels, but who you all know about. It's a very good manga (you should know that, I mean, you're reading this fic!)


	2. Hold On

**The Purity Of White**

**Autheress's Notes:** OK! CHAPPIE ELEVEN!! I actually wrote this chapter second, after the first one (in case that didn't make sense) because I had alot of ideas for it. I was laying in bed, before I had even posted the first chapter, at eleven forty on a tuesday (I remember because I'm typing it on that exact day) and I was like, I have to get this out of my head! So, I went downstairs and started typing what you are reading now! (grin!) I've got insomnia anyway, so it doesn't matter.

...Wait... this IS chapter 2... Ha ha ha...

Also, someone reviewed and told me that cousincest is legal in Asia... I know it is. People told me that in the _This Much I Know Is True_ days (in all the 21 reviews that I got... T.T) but I just find it slightly gross, no matter what the case, being American and all, no da (Chichiri, no da!).

I feel sick... I really have no confidence in my stories whatsoever anymore... Lately I haven't been getting any reviews hardly at all. Before, when I went to check my mail, it'd be overflowing with reviews and messages from my reviewers and stuff, but now, when I go to check, it says the most horrific thing: "This folder contains no messages" and I just wanna cry... T.T I have no inspiration for my stories anymore, and it sucks, because I left both _Genius In Love_ and _Apprentice_ in a cliffhanger... I've even tried reading other fictions, for the sake of inspiration... That's how desperate I am! I have a faint idea on what happens at the end of the stories, but I don't know how they get there... Isn't that pathetic?

Holy crap, why the hell am I telling you people this?? I say I hate people who try to act pitiful on purpose, and here I am doing it! Next time I start acting melodramatic... just smack me.

...But I wanted more reviews for this... T.T

Kyuubi: I will bitch-slap you if you do not stop.

Eep!

**Song Details**: This song is my favorite song by Good Charlotte; the music video made me cry! If possible, like my other chappies, try to listen to the song while you read... it'll make you cry! (sob sob)

Kyuubi: Oh, for crying out loud!

**Disclaimer:** I don't the NARUTO series, but I do own Neji's soul (snicker snicker). The assumptions and comments about Hinata's parents (namely her mother) are fictional... No one knows about Hinata's mom, do they?. I also don't own Good Charlotte (sob). I wish I owned Benji, tho! (along with the other millions of fan girls)

**Reading Key:**

**_Lyrics_** (bold and slanted)

_Thoughts, flashbacks, dreams_

"Speaking"

**(Time difference; location change)

* * *

**

**Chapter Eleven: Hold On

* * *

**

**Timeline for this Chapter: **Neji, 5; Hinata, 4; obviously, after Neji's father died

* * *

Neji peeked around the ricepaper walls into the Head Family's private training hall. Inside, his little cousin, Hinata, and his uncle, Hiashi, were training. He scowled instantly at the sight of them. _Stupid Head Family._

_**This world**_

"Come again, Hinata," Hiashi ordered, standing at one end of the hall wth his walking stick.

_**This world is cold**_

"H-Hai." Neji watched as Hinata made another rush at her father; his eyes flicked from her hands to her feet. Not only were they out of line, in poor footwork, but he also saw flecks of blood on her palms, and stains of red where her feet touched the floor.

_**But you don't**_

_What does he think he's doing? _Neji wondered angrily, forgetting for a moment that he hated Hinata. _She's bleeding!_

_**You don't have to go**_

"Ah-Ow..." Hinata backed away from her father, after he blocked her almost ruthlessly, and held ehr wrist; it twitched slightly.

_**You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care**_

"Come again, Hinata," Hiashi ordered, ignoring her soft cry of pain.

_**Your mother's gone and your father hits you**_

Hinata looked up at her father with sadly pained eyes; pain Hiashi seemed oblivous to; pain no one noticed. No one noticed.

_**This pain you cannot bear**_

No one except Neji. No one except Neji seemed to even bother to care.

_**But we all bleed the same way as you do**_

_Her eyes are the same as mind,_ he thought, with a startled little gasp. He quickly smacked a hand over his mouth.

_**And we all have the same things to go through**_

However, his gasp did not go unnoticed, and Hiashi turned around in almost inhuman speed, and caught Neji with his eyes. The two starred at each other for a few moments, Neji in hidden fear and Hiashi with a mask. Finally, Hiashi spoke. "Bandage her," he ordered, walking past Neji out of the room.

"H-Hai." Neji nodded, taking a roll of bandages out of his pocket and glancing over at Hinata, who instantly blushed and looked away.

"Y-You don't have to, Neji-nii-san," she said quietly, twiddling her fingers nervously.

Neji made a scoff from above his years. "Don't be dumb. You can't do it yourself."

"H-Hai..."

_**Hold on if you feel like letting go**_

The two children sat in the middle of the training hall, Neji bandaging Hinata's feet and Hinata blushing shamefully, more at having to receive her older cousin's help then anything else.

"Hinata-sama," Neji said quietly, not taking his eyes off her feet as he bandaged them carefully. "Why do you let him do this?

_**Hold on it gets better than you know**_

"Mm..." Hinata looked away, her face even redder then before, though Neji didn't see it. "I-I don't know... He's my Daddy, and I know he loves me, so..."

Neji flinched slightly at the mention of 'Daddies', and said, rather cruelly, "How could someone who loves you treat you so mercilessly?"

_**Your days**_

Hinata was silent for a moment, thinking, her eyes more pained then before, and, finally, she answered in a hushed voice, "Sometimes... I want him to stop... And I wish he'd act like Sakura-chan and Ino-chan's fathers..."

_**You say they're way too long**_

Neji looked up, starring at her; 'Hinata-sama' had never confessed anything to him, and it shocked him that she would now.

"But-But, somehow, I always know he cares," she continued in a somewhat stronger voice. "Otherwise, he wouldn't spend so much time... Right?"

_**And your nights**_

Neji looked down at his hands where they were mechanically bandaging her small, injured feet. "Is that what you really think, Hinata-sama?" he asked quietly, his eyes growing pained. "That Hiashi-sama treats you like this because he loves you?"

_**You can't sleep at all

* * *

**_

_"I wish I could have born you into the Head Family..." _

_**Hold on

* * *

**_

"You think that anyone would treat someone they love in this manner?" Neji looked up at his cousin, new anger and strength returning to his eyes to replace the pain. But the pain was always there. _I wish I could think that... I wish Tousan had been born the Master, instead... instead of having to die because he was from the Branch Family!_

_**And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more**_

Neji stood up, his newly renewed hate for Hinata-sama and all that she was returning, and, picking up his bandages, walked out of the room. So what if he hadn't finished bandaging her wounds? So what if she got infected from open wounds? Who cared? Surely the 'superior Head Family' could take care of themselves?

_**And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to know more**_

Neji starred at his feet as he stomped away down the hall. _Stupid Head Family! Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

_**But we all bleed the same way as you do**_

_They're so dumb! I hate them! They don't know anything about me! They're nothing like me! _Neji came to a sudden stop, starring down at his hand; he hadn't realized it, but he'd grabbed Hinata's kunai knife when he'd run away; he could see his reflection in it.

_**And we all have the same things to go through**_

_But... her eyes... were alot like mine..._

_**Hold on if you feel like letting go**_

_No! _Neji broke out into a run down the hall, throwing the kunai away; it stuck into the floor a few feet away from where he'd been standing a moment ago.

_**Hold on it gets better than you know**_

_Tousan! How could you let them kill you?! _Neji thought angrily, running down the hall as fast as he could, not caring where he went, or who he ran into.

_**Don't stop looking, you're one step closer**_

_How could you let them kill you?! Don't you care?! Don't you care at all?!_ Neji felt tears leak out of his eyes and he quickly sqeezed them shut.

_**Don't stop searching, it's not over**_

Neji felt himself run into something very soft and very firm at the same time, said firmness causing him to fall backwards on his butt. He glanced up, his face starting to get red from his run. "H-Hiashi-sama..."

_**Hold on**_

Hiashi looked down at his small nephew, and nodded. "Neji. Did you finished bandaging Hinata's feet and hands?"

_**What are you looking for?**_

"U-Um..." Neji gulped; not, he hadn't finished; normally that would not be a problem, he would think of an excuse, and get on with life; the problem this time was that he didn't care. "W-Well..."

_**What are you waiting for?**_

"Neji?" Hiashi asked in a strangely soft voice, his frown angling for once.

Neji's eyes widened. The voice was so familiar... the face was so familiar...

_**Do you know what you're doing to me?

* * *

**_

_"Neji-kun?"

* * *

_

_**Go ahead...What are you waiting for?**_

"Neji?" Hiashi repeated, raising an eyebrow; the boy had gone rigid, starring at him in horror and confusion, his eyes wide. "Neji, did you hear--"

_**Hold on if you feel like letting go**_

"No!" Neji scrambled to his feet, shoving past his uncle in a dead run. _No! Tousan, shut up! _

_**Hold on it gets better than you know**_

Neji squeezed his eyes shut against his uncle's face and words; he heard Hiashi calling after him, but didn't care.

_**Don't stop looking, you're one step closer**_

_Tousan! Tousan, it's not fair! _he thought angrily, biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying; he heard people call to him, people in the hall, or the people in whose rooms he stomped by, but, again, he didn't care.

_**Don't stop searching, it's not over**_

Suddenly, he found himself outside... Where outside, though? He hadn't paid attention to which door he'd gone in... But he didn't care... Outside meant he was away from... _them. _

_**Hold on if you feel like letting go**_

He tripped... He fell... There was soft grass and dirt under his cheek. His heart was pounding from his run... He thought he recognized this place... He lifted his head, looking around.

_**Hold on it gets better than you know**_

His eyes widened; a tall, stone grave stood before him. _Tousan..._

_**Hold on

* * *

**_

_**SNG'S LITTLE FAN FICTION NEWSLETTER:**_

**ATTENTION REVIEWERS!!**

Due to the fact that _Catharsis_ has gotten NO reviews whatsoever since I updated it, and due to the fact that the amount of reviews it has is pitiful, I will be removing it on January 1st. This is your last chance to go read it, if you liked it. And I don't care if people say "Oh, but it's so good, you should keep it up!" To be honest, I don't care; if it was so good, I'd have more reviews.

Actually, strike that: I'm going to do a story clean-up soon. All the fictions I feel have not been as popular will be removed on January 1st. My story-list is getting far too long, and I need to clean it up a bit. The list of stories that will be disappearing go as follows: _Catharsis, This Much I Know Is True,_and _My Beloved Monster And Me. _Again, please don't try and convince me that I should keep them up. If you want to read them again for some unknown reason, e-mail me and I'll send the chapters to you (I still have them on the other computor) but they won't be on this site anymore.

**PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY READ THIS:**

I (heart) U!

**LIST OF SONGS SO FAR FOR _THE PURITY OF WHITE_:**

(dead silence)

What, you think I'm'a tell you?


	3. Field of Innocence

**Purity Of White**

**Autheress's Notes:** I got reviews!! I did! I got lots of nice reviews from nice people who really seemed to like this story!

You people just felt sorry for me, didn't you?

Kyuubi: I hear all the sorry thoughts you think and I don't feel sorry for you.

When I said I felt sick, it was because... Well, actually, I really was sick! I had a really bad cold because my almost-step-sister, Kat, had a cold and we're sharing a room right now. But I feel better.

There's a few more songs that will be added on to this. I'm not sure how this will end, since this story doesn't follow a timeline. Like, in Apprentice, per say, It starts out when Shizuka is 14, and continues on from that event. This story is snippets from events thorought Neji's life.

Oh, yeah... Someone commented in chapter one that Neji took really good care of his hair because he put conditioner in... How dirty are you people? You guys don't put conditioner in every time? If your hair is past your shoulders, you have to put conditoner in or you'll get the grudge look. Unless the grudge look is something you want. I know guys who condition every night. That's why their hair is better then ours... Well, some of it is.

**Song Details**: Evanescence rocks yer socks! (heart) I think, personally, that this song is very fitting for Neji... Actually I think allo these songs are fitting for Neji... Basically, all low, sad, I-am-forsaken songs are good for Neji! (glomps him) You little angst-muffin, you!

**Disclaimer:** I OWN NOTHING! Well... I own my security blankie, which I cling to in desperation when I get no reviews (hint!)

**Reading Key:**

**_Lyrics_** (bold and slanted)

_Thoughts, flashbacks, dreams_

"Speaking"

**(Time difference; location change)

* * *

**

**"Field Of Innocence"

* * *

**

**Chapter Timeline:** Flashback: Neji, age 4 (pre-Bird-In-A-Cage), Hinata, age three; Non-flashback: Neji, age 14, Hinata, age 13 (basically, normal ages)

* * *

_"Neji-nii-san!"_

_Neji turned in time to have Hinata pounce on him. He staggered for a second or two, then grinned and glomped her back. "Hinata-sama!"_

_Laughter echoed through the clearing as the two began picking flowers together to make a center-peice for their father's birthday table. Neji picked out a weed, which he found to be prettier then the other flowers, and took his hand at whistling, like he'd seen his father do on occassion._

_He failed miserably. "Gah!" Throwing the weed down on the ground like it was it's own fault he couldn't whistle, he proceeded to stomp and jump up and down on it unrelentlessly. _

_Hinata giggled. "Neji-nii-san... You're so funny!"_

_Neji stopped stomping on the poor weed and grinned at her. "Thanks, Hinata-sama."

* * *

_

_**I still remember the world**_

Neji closed his eyes, remembering the soft tinkle of laughter through the woods surrounded the clearing as he stood in the very same spot.

_**From the eyes of a child**_

The laughter they'd shared... the times they'd spent... the sad times... the happy times...

_**Slowly those feelings**_

_Why did it have to be this way? _Neji thought angrily, looking around the field. _So much was lost... by something so idiotic... Damn you, Head family! Damn you!_

_**Were clouded by what I know now**_

Neji's heart fell slightly. No flowers blossomed in this clearing anymore... Just as his and Hinata's friendship didn't blossom any more.

_**Where has my heart gone

* * *

**_

_"Neji-nii-san," Hinata said quietly as they gathered the flowers into small bundles for each of their fathers. "Will we be friends for always and always?"_

_**An uneven trade for the real world**_

_"We can't not be friends for always and always, Hinata-sama," Neji said with a wide grin._

_**I want to go back to**_

_"We have to be, no matter what." He nodded, as if saying his word was final, and went back to tying the flowers together with small pieces of string.

* * *

_

_**Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all**_

Neji closed his eyes in an attempt to block the memories out. A gentle wind picked up in the clearing, sending loose leaves from the trees surround in a cascade of sweet green.

_**I still remember the sun**_

His dark hair blew into his eyes... He'd forgotten to tie it back that morning. He automatically pushed it back.

_**Always warm on my back**_

"Hinata-sama." He glared out of the corner of his eye.

_**Somehow it seems colder now**_

Hinata's eyes widened, and she quickly looked away. "U-Um.."

_**Where has my heart gone**_

"What are you doing here?" Neji asked coldly, turning to look at her fully.

_**Trapped in the eyes of a stranger

* * *

**_

_Hinata and Neji smiled brightly, depositing their bundles of flowers into their fathers' laps. _

_**I want to go back to**_

_"Here, Daddy!" Neji said, grinning. "Hinata and me picked these for you and Hiashi-oji-sama!"_

_**Believing in everything

* * *

**_

_Hinata and me..._

Hinata gulped, twiddling her fingers before herself, still not looking at him. "I-I... just want t-to..."

"Wanted to what?" Neji said coldly, glaring at her.

_**Where has my heart gone**_

"T-To plant some flowers...."

_**An uneven trade for the real world**_

"Flowers can't grow here, Hinata-sama. They all died." Neji turned his back to her. "Go home."

Hinata gulped and nodded at once. "A-Alright..." She turned and disappeared into the woods without a sound of retort.

_**I want to go back to**_

As soon as she was gone, Neji cast his eyes down again, his frown disappearing slightly. _Planting flowers...?_

_**Believing in everything

* * *

**_

_Neji, huge silly grin still plastered over his face, running down the hall to the kitchen to get a vase for the flowers, as Hiashi had instructed. _They liked the flowers, they liked the flowers! _he thought in a sing-song voice, pushing a chair up against the counter and, using it as a ladder, climbed up onto the smooth surface and opening the cabinets. _Gotta get a pretty vase for Hiashi-sama, yup!

_**Away**_

_Picking out the prettiest vase he could find, Neji hopped back down to the floor, running out of the room and back down the hall, vase clamped down under one arm, singing a random nursery rythm as he ran._

_**Where has my heart gone**_

_Just outside the door to thr training hall where his father and uncle and cousin was, however, Neji tripped over his own feet, falling flash on his face._

_SMASH!_

_Neji gasped, looking down at the smashed vase, the pieces splattered on the floor beside him. "Oh no! No... the pretty vase..."_

_**Trapped in the eyes of a stranger**_

_"Don't worry, Neji-nii-san." He felt a soft touch on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw Hinata smiling at him in her gentle way. _

_**I want to go back to**_

_Neji looked up at her, then smiled. "Thanks, Hinata-sama!"_

_**Believing in everything**_

Neji closed his eyes, remembering the gentle smile on Hinata's face as she reassured him. _Hinata-sama... Where are you planting flowers...?_

_**I still remember..

* * *

**_

I have an idea! How 'bout we all vote on who our favorite Naruto guy is (as in, who you think is sexiest! -wink- Or, if you're a guy, who you think is coolest, unless you're gay....) and the one with the most votes will get a romance fic written by me! (Huge grin) This is gonna be fun! And, also, you don't have to decide, "Oh, I can't vote Neji because she's already writing a Neji fic." That is not the case! You can never have too many Neji fics and I have no problem writing two fics about the same person at the same time. (huge grin again) Vote vote vote! (Or I will choose one myself!)


	4. Engel

**Autheress's Notes:** I am _so _sorry for the long wait! I really am! I've just been really busy with all my other fics, and I just got a brand new fic out, called… well, actually I forget the name, since it's in German, but yeah. I've just been very, very busy!

Oh, but, on the bright side, we finally moved! Yes! I have my own room! Finally! Lol. Next step: getting my own computer, with internet access!

**Song Details**: This song is by Rammstein a wonderful German band. I chose this song because I thought it was just so pretty. It's a very dark song, and the lyrics were originally in German, but I translated them so you all would understand. The german version, however, is posted after the fic.

**Disclaimer:** Dude, Rammstein lives in Germany; how could I possibly own them!

**Reading Key:**

**_Lyrics_** (bold and slanted)

_Thoughts, flashbacks, dreams_

"Speaking"

**(Time difference; location change)

* * *

**

**The Purity Of White**

**Chapter Four:**

"**Engel"

* * *

**

**Timeline for this chapter:** Non-flashback: Neji, 12, Hinata, 11. Flashback No. 1: Three weeks prior to grave scene. Flashback No. 2: Neji, 4 (pre-Hizashi death), Hinata, three. Flashback No. 3: same as Flashback No. 2

* * *

Neji looked down at the old, carved gravestone with the oh-so-familiar name on it. He had come alone today, just because he wanted to be alone with the spirit of his father. Somewhere in the back round, a bird sang sweetly.

_**Live in virtue, no desire **_

_Chichi-ue…_ He knelt down, setting the small bouquet of white gardenias he had bought earlier that day before the grave.

_**In the grave an angel's choir **_

He knelt down, folding his hands before his face. _Chichi-ue… Hana-ue and I are both alright… _

_**  
You look to heaven and wonder why **_

_Except that… lately, Hana-ue has been feeling sick… she says it's nothing, so no one bothers her about it… but…_

_**  
No one can see them in the sky

* * *

**_

_Neji stepped away as the wooden dummy he'd been working over fell to pieces from the pressure of his charka. Taking a deep, soothing breath, he turned around. "Hana-ue…" he said curiously when he saw his mother standing at the edge of the clearing. _

_**Just as the clouds have gone to sleep **_

_She smiled at him, holding out a towel and a bottle of water. "I thought you'd be thirsty, Neji-kun."_

"_Arigatou." He went over to her and took the water bottle and unscrewed it while she gently mopped his forehead and face with the towel, speaking gently as she did._

"_You're working so hard, Neji-kun," she said gently, wiping the sweat off him while he drank the water. "Your father would be very proud."_

_**Angels can be seen in heaven's keep **_

"_That was the idea, Hana-ue," he said calmly, sipping the water. His eyes widened as she suddenly started coughing violently. "Hana-ue?" He patted her on the back. When she didn't stop, he began to panic. "Hana-ue! What's wrong?"_

_**Alone in fear they question why **_

_When she finally stopped coughing, she quickly wiped her mouth off with the towel before he could see it. "I'm fine, Neji-kun," she said with a smile. "Just a bug. Be sure to work hard, alright?" She handed him the towel and disappeared out of the clearing._

_Neji frowned, unfolded the towel, wondering what she had been hiding._

_**Goddamn, be not an angel when I die **_

_Blood.

* * *

_

_I'm worried about her, Chichi-ue,_ Neji continued, pushing the memory back. _I don't want her to be sick that much that she has to cough up blood._

_**Angels live, they never die **_

_There's no one I can even tell these things to, except you… There's no way I's tell Gai-sensei, and I won't tell Hiashi-oji-sama… he wouldn't even care, probably…_

_**Apart from us, behind the sky **_

Neji closed his eyes. _I'm scared, Chichi-ue… I don't want anyone else to die…_

_**They're fading souls who've turned to ice **_

"N-Neji-nii-san?"

Neji turned. Hinata blushed slightly, looking down at the bouquet of gardenias she'd brought. "Are those for Tousan?"

_**So ashen white in paradise **_

She nodded slightly. "I-I w-wanted to—"

Neji stood up and walked past her, a silent form of utter hatred for the stuttering girl. _I can't even pray to my own father without being disrupted._

_**Just as the clouds have gone to sleep

* * *

**_

"_Neji-nii-chan! Neji-nii-chan!"_

_Neji turned, grinning as he caught his little cousin just as she threw herself at him, causing both of them to topple over. "Hinata-sama!"_

**_Angels can be seen in heaven's keep _**

_Hinata grinned up at him, showing him the gardenias she had in one hand. "Come on, let's go see Hana-ue's grave together!"_

_Neji's grin widened. "Sure, Hinata-sama, but I don't have any flowers for her."_

"_You can share some of mine!"

* * *

_

_**Alone in fear they question why **_

_Gardenias…_ Neji thought, thinking of the separate bouquets both cousins had brought. _We decided gardenias would be the flowers we brought to the family graves…_

_**Goddamn, be not an angel when I die **_

_I didn't think you would remember, too, Hinata-sama…_

_**Goddamn an angel when I die

* * *

**_

"_We'll always be friends, Hinata-sama! Because we can't be anything else but friends!"_

_**Heaven must be hell in the sky

* * *

**_

"**Engel" (Original German)**

Wer zu Lebzeit gut auf Erden  
wird nach dem Tod ein Engel werden  
den Blick gen Himmel fragst du dann  
warum man sie nicht sehen kann

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafengehn  
kann man uns am Himmel sehn  
wir haben Angst und sind allein

Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein

Sie leben hinterm Sonnenschein  
getrennt von uns unendlich weit  
sie mussen sich an Sterne krallen (ganz fest)  
damit sie nicht vom Himmel fallen

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafengehn  
kann man uns am Himmel sehn  
wir haben Angst und sind allein

Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafengehn  
kann man uns am Himmel sehn  
wir haben Angst und sind allein

Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein


End file.
